i've been trying to develop (find?) a sense of balance in my life. 
this is hard, because i tend to do everything obsessively.
i find a good book, then read in every spare moment til it's finished.
i stay up too late perfecting a blog design (only to never post)
i listen to the same song/album on repeat for weeks on end.

i'm not sure how to change.  i don't think i'm good at it.  i think because i want everything to be different suddenly.  i want to wake up a new person in a new place with a fresh outlook.  the part where change is work and you have to stay you and make the barely perceptible baby steps towards some end goal is boring and practically intolerable.  i feel like no tiny change is ever going to amount to change i need.

it does. i know this.  i just don't feel it.

so i'm pushing myself and trying to hold myself accountable. trying to remember the tiniest of things matter.  sharing matters.  being me matters.